From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
