I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
