He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
