If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
