The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
