Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
