Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
