We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
