After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
