I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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