Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
