Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
