Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
