Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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