Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize