Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
