I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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