But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
