i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
