I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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