1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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