I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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