I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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