Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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