At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
