If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He felt like a one man threesome
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
