Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
