It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
