i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
