I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
