I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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