Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
