ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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