Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
