Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize