woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
