Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
