If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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