Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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