youre lurking in front of me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize