Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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