don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
