omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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