New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
