I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
