saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
