ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
