Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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