I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
