If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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