I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
