I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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