operation harelip BJ is a go
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
