i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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