i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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