I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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