You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
