If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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