I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
