That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
