I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
