Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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