if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
