you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
