this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
