shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
