his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Watching her eat just hurts me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
